2012

Today is the last day of Year 2012. This year, I had been to the lowest point of my life. It had polished me to become someone who I had never thought that I'll be today.

October 2011, infidelity saddened me and my marriage didn't get to survive it but, I survived. The Taiwanese drama《犀利人妻》reminisced (at least 80%) every detail of what I had gone through. I had lost six months of battle to infidelity and I'll never forget what for it had taught me. I did not let myself suffer any longer. I have chosen to give up my marriage when there is no hope left in him. This year, I have restored my status of being single again.

In the moment where I had too much to lost, I gained closer relationship with my family and friends. I thanked each of them for being very supportive throughout the most destructive period of mine when I really need them to be there. They are the best of mine and I am thankful to be surrounded by good-hearted people who are watching and guarding over me. I love all of you. 

I switched to a new job. Happy and doing very well for the time being.   

I have also completed my CAT course.

There are a lot things made more sense to me. I begin to see things from different perspective in life and simply smile through it when nothing ever goes my way. No mountain too high for me to climb. All I need is just some climbing faith. No river too wide for me to make it across. I had made it this far today. 

There's a rainbow for every teardrop. All I need is time. 

With this passing year, all these shall be past tense. All the unhappiness will be buried away.  

I welcome 2013. Happy New Year!

I've Learned...

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is to be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them. 

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't give a shit about it. 

I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you wanted them to be, it doesn't mean that they don't love with all they have. 

I've learned that it took years to build up trust and only seconds to destroy it. 

I've learned that it's a lot easier to react rather than it is to think. 

I've learned that you control your attitude or it controls you. 

I've learned to forgive and it takes practice. 

I've learned that there are people who love you dearly but they do not know how to show it.

I've learned that I have the right to be angry but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel. 

I've learned that true friendship continue to grow even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love. 

I've learned that it isn't enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself. 

I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever. 

I've learned that those who are honest with themselves, gets farther in life. 

I've learned that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains. 

I've learned that people you care most in life, taken away from you too soon. 

Worthy Of My Love

On this season's greeting, I wish that Santa could find me someone who is worthy of my love. 

I believe that you are not far from me, and understands my need. We will come together in the anticipation as the way the lover do. Sure, we will experienced the good and bad day but we will find the ability in ourselves to share and show concern. It will not be on the face value concern, it will be the concern on the commitment and respect. Respect for who we are and respect for who we will become.

Every emotion and disappointing event, we could not change that. Yet, we can still choose what we think today.  I do not wish to be alone and, I do not wish to be without love. Love fills my heart with the desire to do good. It shows me how man and woman are compatible and enjoyable. We do not need to be told the mystery of life. We are the mystery of life. Passion and confession are the only way to peace of mind. I do not find joy in listening to my thoughts all the time. I wish to share them with someone that I trust no matter what I may think.

Am I crazy to speak so freely on my conviction that love will overcome any disappointment if we embrace it? 

Those door that people close when they are sad, should not stay that way forever. I am open today and my heart sings! All I want for Christmas is YOU!

The One That Everyone Needs

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you've never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you said and actually wanting to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you.

When something wonderful happens, you can't wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealously or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are.

The things that seem significant to most people such as a note, a song or a walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it's like being young again. Colors seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn't exist at all.

A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day's work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there's no need for continuous conversation, but you find you're quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you.

You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there's a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that's so real that it scares you.

You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are part of your life.

Yes. I do need that someone.

My Project 1

Recently I joined a club, which is Toastmaster. When I was first being introduced of Toastmaster, I don't know what was it all about. I never heard of Toastmaster before. I thought it was a course for people to learn how to toast bread or something similar like that but it was not! So, toastmaster is a club for people like me who wants to improve on their public speaking skills and to overcome the fear of stage speech.

Last month, I attended their first meeting. I did my first project of stage speech in front of 15 strangers. All I have to do is to deliver my speech within the time count of 4-6 minutes. I can talk about anything but normally for the first time, you need talk about yourself as an introduction.

So, I did it. For the first time, I gave out my stage speech. To my surprised, I didn't expected that I was being evaluated as being the best newbie speaker afterwards! I was delighted.

I know that my current profession doesn't require such skill for me to advance. I needed it because I want to prove to myself that there are a lot of things that are certainly that I can achieve only if I am willing to do so. I may not needed the skill right now but it doesn't mean I don't get to use it in the future.

I wanted so much to do all the things which I do not dare to do previously and I'm gonna do it!

Love All Over Again

I am just a woman. I too, will break down and cry for relief at times. I am not blaming life for giving me lemons. I am just what I am. 

I just feel tired. Very tired. But I must keep on moving forward. The clock is tickling fast. 

These are just setbacks. I just need to get up and run. Life is on my own. 

What lies ahead will always be a mystery. Be daring to explore. 

I stopped asking God, why is this happening to me? Why things happen will never be certain. Take it stride and move forward. 

I regret nothing in my life even if my past was full of hurt. I still look back and smile because it made me who I am today. 

I've known defeat, known suffering, known loss, known struggle and have found my way out of the depths. I've found appreciation, sensitivity and understanding of life in me. 

Someday, I will forget the hurt, the reason I cried and who caused me pain. I realize the secret of being FREE is not revenge, but letting things unfold in their own way and own time. After all, what matters is not the first, but the last chapter of our life which shows how well we ran the race. So smile, laugh, forgive, believe and LOVE all over again. 

Am I The Best Speaker?

Just 2 hours ago, I won the title: Best Speaker by giving my first ever stage speech. Are you amazed? More will be revealed in my next post. 

Cooooough!

Cough, cough, cough! Bad, bad cough. Not seeing a doctor yet. I just wanna let it recover on its own. You might not agree on this. But wait! Did I told you that I had drug allergy? 

It's Not That Cool After All

Down with flu today. Think I've caught it from the rainy weather! Not able to concentrate on anything. I miss my bed dearly.  

Love the rainy season but not in this condition of mine. I'll get better soon. Goodnight peeps!  

Bittersweet Memories

If I stay, I will only be in your way. I am not what you need. So, goodbye. 

I hope that life will treat you kind enough. I hope you have all that you had dreamt of. My wish to you, joy and happiness. 

Bittersweet memories. That's all I'm taking with me. 

Above all, I wish you love. 

Act On Auto-Pilot

I am emotionally affected. I need to resolve all these recurring and never ending matters. I am extremely tired. Tired of always telling and reminding people of what they should/need to do. Why can't people be on their auto-pilot mode? You guys must be wondered why am I so concerned about all these. This matter involved the hell a lot out from me. My entire future had shaken. I must seek for my rights. I am in the process of rebuilding my life bricks by bricks. To those people who love being ignorance, self-centered, I congratulate you. Please carry on with your bad attitude. I can guaranteed that you can't go far with a flat tire unless you change it. If you want to risk the people that you love and put your future at stake, it's your call. I could no longer be bothered. Period. 

I Can

When I found myself staring blankly, I asked myself, what's holding me back? Why am I giving so much limitations to myself? Why "what if(s)"? Are these good or bad? I do not have an answer to that but I had given a long thought over it. 

My destiny cannot be changed. I will not surrendered when life gives me lemons. I believe, everything happens for a reason. People changed, so I can learn to let go. I believe lies so I can eventually learn to trust no one but myself. Things go wrong so I can appreciate them when they are right. And sometimes, good things fall apart so better things can fall together. 

I choose to enjoy my ride on a roller coaster. Now, I can start telling myself; 

Forget about what-if(s)

Eliminate over-thinking

I can be happy

Take up more chances

Turn can't(s) into can(s) & dream(s) into plan(s)

Keep moving forward

My life is sweet and beautiful

Most importantly, there is always someone who loves me.

Mid Autumn Festival 2012

It's mid autumn festival today. Celebrated it at my niece's nanny's place last night. This year would be my ninth years in Singapore and could you believe that I never really went back to Ipoh to celebrate it with my parents? Moving forward, I hope I could spend each of the festive seasons with my family.

Last night, I felt the warmth which I had longed for during my days in Singapore. The warmth of the people that unite and celebrated the mid autumn festival. There was a lot of food prepared by the neighborhood people, children and adults playing with candles and lanterns. I felt like I'm back to those days which I had this celebration at my grandparents' place. I felt like I'm a child again. 

It brought back so much of my childhood memories when I held the lantern. Little things like this really could make you feel happy again. I miss my parents. 

I could not help but felt the urge of posting the above blurry photo of me because I want to remember this smile that I had once lost it. I've found it again :)

Here, I shall end this post by wishing everyone; Happy Mooncake Festival to my lovely family and friends!

Bought Furby Home

My niece, Megan's is turning 3 in a week's time. I've went around and found an absolute gift for her. Hope that she likes it!

 Looking sick but still can pose

  

She had been down with stomach flu recently. Diarrhea and puke for one and a half day. 

Before I bought Furby, I'm not quite sure if she likes it. Afraid that she may afraid of Furby's appearance. Because the price is not cheap and I don't wanna waste it. So what I did was, I made my sister to google the video clip of Furby and shown it to her. 

Oh boy, she kept replaying Furby's video clip again and again for few days. I think she likes it. She kept telling me, "Ah Yi, I want teddy-neow-neow". That's what Furby would say when being held upside down! LOL.

She told me she wanted this color. I bought and brought furby home :)

Megan was very jumpy in excitement when Furby is being unpacked and came lived.

Well, Furby is home.

My Besties' Wedding

Last weekend, I made a trip down to KL. Really could not remember when was my last trip to KL. This trip was planned on purpose. If it wasn't, seriously, I would not had made my trip down.

One of my bestie, finally got wedded to her man. She was the last one to get married among the four of us.

 Alicia, Mandy, Sabrina and myself

How times really flies. Sabrina was the first to get married in year 2011 and had became a mummy since last 3 weeks ago.

 Sabrina and Normen

Then, followed by Alicia in the same year 2011.

Alicia and Henry

 And this year, was Mandy's turn.

Mandy and Dik Kun

I was there for each one of them except for Alicia's wedding. I gave my utmost help to them during their wedding. 

 At Sabrina's wedding

I even had the honor to be one of Mandy's bridesmaid last weekend.

It was fun. My first ever time officially to be dressed really like a bridesmaid! It was exciting.

Look! How fabulous all of them! I truly wish each of you for a happy and endless love of marriage. I love you all!

Just Stop and Walk Away

At certain point of time, you will feel absolutely better by doing nothing. All you gotta do, is to stop whatever you have been trying so hard. Leave them alone. Walk away.  It's not that you are giving up nor you shouldn't try. It's just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation. What is yours will truly be yours and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be. 

What Are You?

Sometimes you have to get to know someone really well to realized you are really strangers...

Am Detached But Still a Survivor

Moving forward of almost a year of separation with Kenny, I realized that I don't really need a marriage on two and a half year ago. Yes, things were happier back then. I'm pretty sure that I wasn't really thinking much before I said "YES" on the proposal. 

I remembered that I was even in doubt before my ROM. Thought it would be some kind of cold feet that most people would have gone through just before their wedding. The impression was wrong. I wasn't ready for it and yet I did it. How cool was that huh. 

I would say, we hasn't really been through our worse before we got into marriage. Things get a little out of control when we were husband and wife for two and a half years. We couldn't handle each other at our worse. I wouldn't say that I wasn't at wrong but he wasn't at his right too. I was being blamed and indirectly became the victim of the consequences of his wrongdoings. It's okay. Life is still okay for me as it is now. I survived. 

I'm Proud of My Heart

A friend of mine shared something wonderful to me today.

Plans for Me

I have some plans in line and hopefully that it works within the schedule that I had planned for myself. This time round, things would be very different and I'm gonna make things happened instead of waiting things to be happened. Hahahas! I feel so great now! Yippy!

I Am The Biggest Liar

Hey guys, how's everyone doing? Life has been treating me real good :)

I would like to share some news to everyone today. I've been keeping this news to myself since October 2011 and has been sharing it to out to each of my family members and friends. Year 2011 was a pretty bad year for me. That could be the reason why I had stopped blogging. My life turned it's back on me. Everything changes, too quickly.

I LIED. I lied to the whole world and I really feel very bad about it. I actually made everyone believed that I am happily married. I am not. I never was since the day I've been slapped by the truth and knowing that all these while I've been kissed with a lie.

Yes, I've been going through HELL and now, I'm back on my feet.

Sometimes, the best way to be happy is to learn to let go of things you tried hard to hold on to.

My forgiveness to him doesn't comes easy. But the peace that comes after is well worth the effort. Time does not heal wounds. Forgiving does.

Well, nothing really lasts forever. I think that's the easiest lesson we all learn in the hardest way don't we?

Not Good

Hello! It's been a while since my last post. I think I'd disappearing too long from blogging. Here a little update from me. 

These few months has been like hell for me. I was really being tied up with lots of things to be done.

My wedding dinner was held on last October. Everything went well! Thanks to my besties who has been there and gave the helping hand as much I needed. Muacksssss to my pretty babes!!

I sat for my exam in last December. Oh boy...could be I was too stressed up and I think that I didn't really gave my 100% efforts in my exam preparation :/

I just gotten my exam results lately. Guess what? I failed my exam by 2 marks! :( :( :(

Sobsssss!

Life is just like a roller coaster. It's your choice whether to enjoy the ride or to scream. 

I am not happy. Things happened and was beyond of my control. I may be silly now but at least I've tried my all rather than being regret of what I could have done.