A Good Year

It's a brand new year. I feel so alive. Not just that the world doesn't come to an end, but I survived many hurdles and setbacks. I stand up again. Much higher after the fall. Things that happened last year, did not stopped me from moving forward. Life is really full of dramas anyway but it's all past tense now. 

I received a very good news recently from my lawyer. I am now officially single again! Yohoooooooooo!!!~ Shall I celebrate? I think I should go out meet more people now and then sign up for somewhat speed dating programme or get myself the most eligible bachelor and get married again. Freeing myself after the hell-through process, I feel so delighted that I made it this far. I never once doubted my subconscious that I am able to things. Incredible! I hug myself with glee.

I am now a part-time student again. I am going through the whole mad process again for at least another 5 years. Am I nuts? My friends out there are busy spending their money on traveling and splurging themselves. Why am I still restricting myself and going through this? :( Oh man, let's hope that I can get this done on target! I must preserve until the end to achieve that. I can do this. Yes, I definitely can.

I've been thinking for months. I plan to move to another country. Meaning, to leave Singapore for good. Yes, I spent my whole decade here and not getting what I want but I did gained my CAT. That's the only thing that I ever proud of. Could it be my divorce that causes me to leave here? Perhaps. I think it's just time for me to move on to chase for my dreams. There are so many things I wanted to do on my own. Live with no regrets. Trying very hard to achieve my dreams one by one. I'm sure the feeling of achievement it's indescribable!

2012

Today is the last day of Year 2012. This year, I had been to the lowest point of my life. It had polished me to become someone who I had never thought that I'll be today.

October 2011, infidelity saddened me and my marriage didn't get to survive it but, I survived. The Taiwanese drama《犀利人妻》reminisced (at least 80%) every detail of what I had gone through. I had lost six months of battle to infidelity and I'll never forget what for it had taught me. I did not let myself suffer any longer. I have chosen to give up my marriage when there is no hope left in him. This year, I have restored my status of being single again.

In the moment where I had too much to lost, I gained closer relationship with my family and friends. I thanked each of them for being very supportive throughout the most destructive period of mine when I really need them to be there. They are the best of mine and I am thankful to be surrounded by good-hearted people who are watching and guarding over me. I love all of you. 

I switched to a new job. Happy and doing very well for the time being.   

I have also completed my CAT course.

There are a lot things made more sense to me. I begin to see things from different perspective in life and simply smile through it when nothing ever goes my way. No mountain too high for me to climb. All I need is just some climbing faith. No river too wide for me to make it across. I had made it this far today. 

There's a rainbow for every teardrop. All I need is time. 

With this passing year, all these shall be past tense. All the unhappiness will be buried away.  

I welcome 2013. Happy New Year!

I've Learned...

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is to be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them. 

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't give a shit about it. 

I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you wanted them to be, it doesn't mean that they don't love with all they have. 

I've learned that it took years to build up trust and only seconds to destroy it. 

I've learned that it's a lot easier to react rather than it is to think. 

I've learned that you control your attitude or it controls you. 

I've learned to forgive and it takes practice. 

I've learned that there are people who love you dearly but they do not know how to show it.

I've learned that I have the right to be angry but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel. 

I've learned that true friendship continue to grow even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love. 

I've learned that it isn't enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself. 

I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever. 

I've learned that those who are honest with themselves, gets farther in life. 

I've learned that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains. 

I've learned that people you care most in life, taken away from you too soon. 

Worthy Of My Love

On this season's greeting, I wish that Santa could find me someone who is worthy of my love. 

I believe that you are not far from me, and understands my need. We will come together in the anticipation as the way the lover do. Sure, we will experienced the good and bad day but we will find the ability in ourselves to share and show concern. It will not be on the face value concern, it will be the concern on the commitment and respect. Respect for who we are and respect for who we will become.

Every emotion and disappointing event, we could not change that. Yet, we can still choose what we think today.  I do not wish to be alone and, I do not wish to be without love. Love fills my heart with the desire to do good. It shows me how man and woman are compatible and enjoyable. We do not need to be told the mystery of life. We are the mystery of life. Passion and confession are the only way to peace of mind. I do not find joy in listening to my thoughts all the time. I wish to share them with someone that I trust no matter what I may think.

Am I crazy to speak so freely on my conviction that love will overcome any disappointment if we embrace it? 

Those door that people close when they are sad, should not stay that way forever. I am open today and my heart sings! All I want for Christmas is YOU!

The One That Everyone Needs

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you've never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you said and actually wanting to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you.

When something wonderful happens, you can't wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealously or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are.

The things that seem significant to most people such as a note, a song or a walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it's like being young again. Colors seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn't exist at all.

A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day's work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there's no need for continuous conversation, but you find you're quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you.

You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there's a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that's so real that it scares you.

You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are part of your life.

Yes. I do need that someone.