Losing Everything Can Give You Even More

I've lived,

I've loved,

I've trusted,

I've been lost,

I've been hurt, and

I've made mistakes.

But, I've learned. 

In my late 20s, I may have lost it all but I never lose my strength to stand up again. When infidelity hits me, it hit me hard. I left my ex-husband after I got "fired" by him. It was a wrong fit from the beginning but I ignored the warning signs. My pride and ego wanted me to show everyone how blissfully married I was. The day I was told that I no longer needed, my instant reaction was relief. I wasn't going have to wake up the next day to carry the duty as a wife when there isn't any presence of appreciation. 

Then, I panicked. 

How am I going to survive this? Who would find out? Was I a failure? How am I going to tell my family? How would people look at me? 

In my darkness period, I strived to focus on the light. I spent months thinking where I wanted to go and who I wanted to be. I was surprised that I really liked myself when I am on my own. 

Since then, my life has gone into a journey of self discovery. I started writing and pay more attention to myself. In turn, I get to know myself better by projecting my feelings from time to time. Writing started a chain reaction of self reflection. When you write about yourself, you tend to focus on issues you may otherwise ignore. I becoming more honest to myself and to others. 

I never really like being unhappy for too long. Nothing can stop me from being happy. Happiness is what matter most. Do what you have to do in order to feel happy.

It is okay to ask for help. 

My family has been there for me and they are the only one who accepts me wholeheartedly, at least forever. 

I have superb friends who constantly checking on me just to make sure that I am doing okay. 

There are strangers who always greet me with their smiles each morning when I walk across that road. 

Some really old friends found me and we are in close contact. 

How not to love these people?

I am, what I think I am. I dare to realize my dreams. I think positively of myself and I accomplished more than what I'd imagined that was impossible. 

Post Trauma Aftermath

For a millionth time, I'm really done asking myself, why me? Why me? This is real sickening. This question could lead to nowhere. I had been there and done that; but if you were to be given another chance to do the same thing again, would you take it? No doubts, mostly of you will. Who doesn't want a second chance? Do you know that second chance doesn't mean a happy ending. Sometimes it's just another shot to end things right. 

People start asking me, will I ever date again? I was stunt at first. Heck, this sounded more like, do you me to introduce some guys to you? Yes, it hurts still until today. It's so much of the feelings inside of me. How could I love again when I'm so afraid to fall? Sometimes you don't get closure, you just move on. 

First thing first, dating ain't my priority for now. This is the time to enjoy life to the fullest and to realize each of my dreams. I am a busy woman now and time is never enough for me. I allocated most of my time for my studies and spending leisures with my family, friends and non-stop challenge myself to find out what I'm capable of. I'm about to increase my trips of travelling and gonna leave my footprints on different places and countries. 

First half of the year had just flew by. It has been awesome. I can't wait for what lies ahead. Should there be people who tell you that you'll never pull through, you stand up and say, I can make it through the rain. 

I live life lively. 

Things I Hated Most Became Things that I Love Most

All my life, I swear that I never once like or I should say that I hated cats. Real cats, toys, figurines and enough said on anything that is associated with cats.  Cats are my enemy and so yes, I categorized the stuffs that I hated. Nevertheless, the most well-known "Hello Kitty" the cat. Looking at the sight of it, really making me sick. 

Today, I am not the Ellie Lam that you used to know. I started to look at the cats from a different angle and somehow I find myself started to love the things that I hated most. Now onwards, I collected the most recent kitties from McDonalds for SGD4.60 each with every value meal. This batch of kitties really blew my away. The colors of their suits that wrapped around the kitties flat-face head can transformed them into something that look so cute.

These are my first ever soft toys collection. Minus the Wizard and Singing Bones kitties. I didn't get to collect the whole set. The Hello Kitty craze is getting more and more absurd each week. Now that the craze has finally over today, none of you should be asking me for McDonalds again for the next few months. No, I'm not selling my collection away. Don't you dare to think about that!

Psssst!

It has been very tough for the past weeks but thank god that I'm still alive! I have been battling with my exams 2 weeks ago and now I'm blogging from Ipoh :) Life still great as it is! I wish I could just stay here like forever. I am having the time of my life here.

Met up with a few of my old friends recently and we could still talk like we used to be. It was wonderful and somehow made me realised that how time really flies and another few more months it would be my 10th years working in Singapore! Gosh...do I sound like I'm turning old now? 

Seeing my nieces in Ipoh growing so fast and yet getting so attached to me  during each time I see them, made me feel heavy-hearted to leave Ipoh tonight :( I miss them already! 

There's a lot of weird stuffs going around lately. The haze, the ice pellets rain and blah blah blah. Everybody here in Malaysia and Singapore are suffering from the wrongdoings of burning crops in Indonesia. Let's hope all these will be over soon. 

Style: Previous Vs Current

One of my girlfriend sent me this photo yesterday.

She commented that she missed my previous hairstyle of longer hair which I thought I looked pretty plain Jane with that. It's been more than a year that I had short hairstyle now. I don't denied that shorter hair does require higher maintenance than the long one.

I'm in fact pretty happy maintaining my current hairstyle for now. I'm of course do open up for other kind of hairstyles too! In the near future, hopefully I could actually changed to different hairstyles every now and then! Sticking to the same kind of style everyday can be boring.